Green Lantern: Spoilers

Been a little while, no? I’ve just finished the first draft of the second romance novel–that sounds a little like a Scooter lyric, but hey–and am again experiencing the joys of free time. Or at least more free time than I’ve previously had. Upcoming posts: IT and the nature of nostalgia, more Shadow Hearts before the PS2 room gets too hot to enter, and probably something about Mass Effect.

Meanwhile, went to see Green Lantern last night. Not great; not bad; if you want to sit around somewhere with central air and eat popcorn, you could certainly do worse. A few notes:

* This summer’s trend seems to be Half-Naked Guys and Exploding Galaxies. I am…not complaining.

* Stuff that I could have seen expanded: the training montage (I find it hard to believe that Jordan masters his ring in a day, plus you can never go wrong, in my book, with more training montage), the relationship between Carol and Hal (they seem to whipsaw back and forth between past friendship and past issues in a way that’s weird for people who’ve been working together for years), Parallax’s arrival on Earth (…the military didn’t see this thing coming and fire some missiles? Really? It’s only as big as AN ENTIRE CITY and it shows up all “BOO!” behind Hammond, WTF?).

* Stuff that I could’ve seen cut: the birthday party scene (we never see any of those characters again, and I think we get the Hal Has Paternal Issues and Also Is Irresponsible point already), the getting-jumped-in-an-alley scene (you can put the power-discovery bits in either the oath or the helicopter-rescue), and, to my mind, a lot of the renunciation bits. Things just seemed pretty uneven: Hal is loving this! Then he’s hating it! Then he wants to be with Carol! Then he doesn’t! Ow, my neck. Also, I felt like Parallax did not need the expanded backstory. He’s a fear demon, he’s yellow, he’s creepy Lovecraftian badness, he was imprisoned and now he’s not and it sucks to be us, end of story.

* Stuff I liked: Hal taking a third option on the girl-or-the-world deal. Carol being useful, and having her own deal. (And that she liked being part of the business end of things.) Parallax’s appearance, which was very cool and Azathoth-esque, yipe. The creepy telepathy between Hal, Hammond, and Parallax. A Green Lantern Corps that looked alien (except Sinestro and Abin Sur, but hey: legacy) and a really alien-looking Oa, including the suggestion that the Guardians sit around in giant vertigo-inducing chairs glaring at the cosmos.

* Yes, the test pilot scenes *did* totally give me Hot Shots flashbacks.

* This is something I wonder about in the comics canon too: okay, so you have a ring that gives physical form to anything you can think of. Said ring is owned by…twenty-to-thirtysomething guys somewhere on the straight side of the Kinsey scale. I would expect a lot more evil to be fought with green naked versions of Alyson Hannigan. And that’s the *most* tasteful assumption.

* My usual sympathy for academics kicked in and I felt really sorry for Hammond during the mindreading-during-class scene. It’s unclear how much choice he had about getting Parallaxed–like, is the fact that he tries to kill his dad with TK the first time what brings on his transformation into gross fetus-faced guy? Or would that be inevitable anyhow?–although clearly he’s given in at the end.

* Speaking of tragic downfalls…Sinestro? (I’m gonna go ahead and assume your name actually means “Wise, Responsible, and Totally Not Evil” in your own language, okay? At least you’re an alien. Dr. Doom has no such excuse.) Forging a ring to use the power of the enemy did not work for Saruman, and it will not work for you.


Published by


I'm Izzy. I write stuff: mostly vaguely fantasy stuff, and most notably the following books: Hickey of the Beast, published March 2011 by Candlemark and Gleam Romance novels from Sourcebooks: No Proper Lady Lessons After Dark Legend of the Highland Dragon The Highland Dragon's Lady Night of the Highland Dragon Highland Dragon Warrior Highland Dragon Rebel Highland Dragon Master I also like video games, ballroom dancing, and various geeky hobbies like LARPing. I have been known to voluntarily purchase and eat circus peanuts. Like, a whole bag at once.

6 thoughts on “Green Lantern: Spoilers”

  1. This is probably the kindest review I’ve read so far. Never been much of a comics fan, not familiar with the mythos, but if I’m expected to insert myself into the “you have been given k3wl p0werz” fantasy I could do with a self-insert character who’s a bit less of an immature twit.

    1. I like the mythos, so I’m probably charitably inclined.

      But yeah. I don’t mind the fast-cars-and-women stuff–hey, I’m on board with that–but when it’s a matter of saving the world, I would like to not hear so much about the hero’s Daddy Issues, ‘kay? I mean, I think there is some interesting–a little cliche, but I don’t mind that–material to get from the difference between fearlessness and courage, but the “nope, not doing this, running away now” deal isn’t the way to do it.

      Also, I would like a hero without Parental Issues sometime. That would be awesome.

  2. I always assumed the major constraint on Holodeck hanky-panky was the fear that Wesley would recover a recording of your endeavors and reconfigure the deflector dish to project it on any of the numerous implausibly high-albedo astronomical objects they were always parked three meters away from. Reckon the same would apply to the lantern rings: the knowledge that your naked green Alyson Hannigan is a direct conduit in any number of unspecified ways to the Hive Mind of Creepy Wizened Intergalactic Voyeurs would function as a pretty profound genital vasoconstrictor.

    1. Ooh. Good point, that. Sort of like having an alien version of your mom always somewhere near the back of your head.

      Now I’m wondering how any of the GL guys manage to have a sex life at all.

  3. Agree wholeheartedly on the time given to Hal’s issues (which were pretty generic for a film hero). I did like the opening driving scene, which seemed to suggest they’d tackle the down side of fearlessness (i.e., recklessness).
    I do wonder why Sinestro is trying the yellow ring on–hasn’t Hal just shown that it isn’t necessary?

    1. Yeah, that timing was odd. I mean, maybe he’d made it already, so it was able to exert power over him…but they should’ve shown that.

      And yep. The difference between overcoming fear and being a dumbass seems like a good topic for GL film. Kinda wish they’d done that, actually.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.