C’mon, Hallmark/Netflix

Ideally Netflix, for the People Who Actually Fuck factor.

By which I mean: here comes a list of things I want to see more of in Christmas romance!

Before I start, though, yeah, this has been an erratic year blog-post-wise, what with the plague and the drinking and the editing three books and the election and the post-election drinking and the post-court-ruling drinking. I’ll try to get back on a once-per-week schedule next year, but I’m not going to promise anything: I don’t even tell cute yet naive boys that I can be relied on, these days.

SPEAKING OF CUTE BUT NAIVE BOYS, here are some Christmas romance plots/plot elements I would watch the hell out of. I may write one or more someday, but I have at least two books on the list ahead of that, so…have at it, anyone else! And if you know of any fiction like this that’s out there already and meets my criteria (no jealousy/love triangles/monogamy as a sign of love, no rape, no pregnancy as a major plot element) by all means let me know!

* Historically speaking: Tudor era! You have twelve entire nights! You have masked balls! You have people dressed like Silent Hill monsters demanding entrance to your house so they can make you gamble with weighted dice! Also, if you need an evil figure, Hank the Shit and his various enablers are RIGHT THERE for a lot of it.

* Star-crossed love between one of the little guys who dances for Snow Mister and his Heat Miser equivalent. (IDK if it’s romance, because it’s an established relationship, but Mrs. Claus’s number in that movie makes me think she has either some 1970s Feminist Career Longings or some Gender Considerations going on, and I would be into either or both of those stories.)

* That legend where animals can talk at midnight on Christmas Eve. Seriously, how has the Heartwarming Pet Christmas Film sub-industry not gotten on this train yet? So many movies where the puppy can suddenly tell people where the kidnappers put the plucky orphan, or the cat can reveal that Alice actually loves Bob, but Charlie was blackmailing her, or the adorable snake can warn their owner about a fire! It’s made for winsome covers and pun-filled titles!

* Workplace romance between two or more of the Spirits of Christmas Whatever. You know how it is, after a hard night of convincing misers that it’s actually better not to be a total dick once in a while.

Christmas Present totally seems like the orgy type, BTW.

* My editor Mary’s idea where the child of a stingy billionaire somehow can give away as much of their parent’s money as they want until the holiday ends.

* Also, “All the Tender Sweetness of a Seasick Crocodile” needs to be the title of something.

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I'm Izzy. I write stuff: mostly vaguely fantasy stuff, and most notably the following books: Hickey of the Beast, published March 2011 by Candlemark and Gleam Romance novels from Sourcebooks: No Proper Lady Lessons After Dark Legend of the Highland Dragon The Highland Dragon's Lady Night of the Highland Dragon Highland Dragon Warrior Highland Dragon Rebel Highland Dragon Master I also like video games, ballroom dancing, and various geeky hobbies like LARPing. I have been known to voluntarily purchase and eat circus peanuts. Like, a whole bag at once.

One thought on “C’mon, Hallmark/Netflix”

  1. My Twitter idea (which I’ll probably never write) is to do those short synopses that you get in the online TV schedule (“Angela, an American tour guide in Rome, agrees to teach a culture-shocked businessman named Oliver about the heart of Rome at Christmas, and they fall in love”) but do them as if the Hallmark Christmas movie was being directed by Hitchcock, or Scorscese, or Spielberg, or Lee, or Kubrick, and so on.

    Great ideas, zero time for execution. Story of my life! (Have a great holiday!)

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